How SHOULD I feel?

The other morning I walked from my home on Queen Anne to a dermatology appointment on Capital Hill …. in 45 minutes. I kept thinking how great I felt and was thankful that I’m in such good shape going into my surgery on Monday. After arriving at the doctor’s office they had me fill out the usual form about my health. Same old routine … checking the usual boxes showing how healthy I am … until I see the question “Have you been diagnosed with any issues since your last visit?” I started to check the “no” box, then I remembered what I’m going to be going through on Monday afternoon. And then it hit me. I’m not 100% healthy. And I’m going to have the arms of a robot in my body soon to take out one of my organs that has cancerous tumors on it. Jesus!

So I can best describe my feelings as simply nervous. Not nervous about having one of the best urology surgeons in the world work on me. And not nervous about any leakage of the cancer (I’ve always refused to worry about the worst case scenario until I have to or focus on things over which I have zero control). But not knowing what the pain level will be and knowing that I’ll have to deal with a catheter in my bladder for 10 days (or so) is making me anxious beyond what I expected. So there you have it. Now you know exactly why I’ve got a nervous stomach and not much appetite. Maybe a good bourbon will help ;-)

And the lovin’ keeps coming. I’m still blown away how many people have remembered and given me support. It’s crystal clear to me now how important it is to reach out and touch people when they’re in danger or suffering in any way. I simply hope that I never lose sight of that reality and follow through every time.

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