Listen

How to be a good listener? How to be there for someone? How to make a person feel safe?

No amount of pointers, no number of guidelines can prepare you to become a good listener. The tendency to listen must come from within you. It is a habit that takes time to develop, but once accustomed, you realise there is so much in the world you are yet to learn.

If you set out to try, listening is not a very difficult job. All you have to do is, literally, simply sit and listen patiently, and not just pretend to. You need to be actually interested, if not in what is going on in that person’s life, then maybe in listening to what the person is trying to tell you.

Sometimes, people need to vent. They need to speak their heart out. They need to take everything out of their system to feel better, to feel lighter. Only then they find the strength to get up and keep going. They feel strong enough to face their problems.

There are people who will be shy to talk about themselves in front of people. They will try to keep the discussion as general as possible, and not let the conversation turn to their personal lives. Then there are people who like to talk about themselves all the time. They love to share their experiences and adventures, but never will they talk about their own problems with everyone. And yes, they need to be heard too. You must make sure people are comfortable sharing with you whatever they want to.

Now, how can you show someone that you are listening? You do not seem distracted. You have to be fully present there. Even the small gestures like eye contact and a simple nod is enough for them to know that you understand what they are saying. Speak only when you think they want you to. Not always do people talk to you because they are looking for answers. Sometimes, they speak to you only to feel better. People are usually aware of what they want, they just have not realised it until now. Then, it is on you tell them things they already know, but don’t want to think about. It is on you to give them the push they need to decide something.

When someone trusts you with their deepest and darkest secret, all they want is your support. All they want is for you to say, that it does not matter what they have done or what they are doing, you will not judge them. It becomes your responsibility to not let them down. It is on you to make sure you don’t disappoint them and make them regret trusting you.

At times, it will get too much for you. You are allowed to get tired of listening too. You will need someone to listen to you. Even then, you can’t just push people away. You will have to explain them calmly and they will understand for sure. And then, find someone of your own to speak to; friends, family, anyone.

Ultimately, if you listen carefully, you can change a person’s life; it can be their life or yours. When someone tells us that they are upset, we automatically start to offer possible solutions to lift their mood. That’s how we function. While all they might want us to do is merely listen to them, understand their problem and acknowledge it. They want us to become their safe space, and that is what we should become.

So sit next to someone for a moment, give them a smile, and tell them one thing everyone must have heard once in their life. But this time, mean it and say – I’ll be there for you. :)

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