The Great International Students

Yes, I’m an international student. Inside out.

I was born and raised in Beijing, China. I didn’t go to an international school for a single day, finished my undergrad in Beijing, and moved to Canada for grad school when I just turned 22.

Going aboard wasn’t because I wished to live “a better life” in “a better place.” I never thought I am from a “third world” country or somewhere worse. Instead, I’m very privileged as I was born and raised in a nice neighborhood in Beijing. Raised by well-educated middle-class parents who love me endlessly. Growing up, I never had to worry about money and was fortunate enough to travel around at an early age. But I’m always scared of a predictable life — the same life as my 3 internships in college working as a designer in tech.

I could have kept my job at LinkedIn or any other big tech company’s China office when I graduated from college at 21. Feeling bombarded by the jobs in tech and curious about how far I can go with multimedia art (I was working on an installation as my BFA grad show project) — I decided to give myself 2 more years in North America and see what I can do with media art.

“It’s your choice, and I shouldn’t be the one paying for your choice.” my dad was 100% supportive of my decision but also told me to make sure to pay the tuition back to him in the future (that’s the reason I came to Canada instead of the US, because of the cheap tuition lol). I’m always grateful that my parents always allow me to make my own choices and be responsible for them, including going to art school as a STEM background student and moving around.

I still remember the first week I landed in Vancouver and was having dinner with a friend from college. He told me that:

“We’re here because we chose to play it hard. We could have stayed in our home country and live an easy life. So don’t complain or cry when it gets hard, we chose this ourselves.

I always have a mixed feeling when I hear about a lot of statements from international students around “It’s ok our English is not that good, and we should be proud of ourselves coz you have the courage to use a different language to study, work and live,” “We left home and dropped in a completely different culture — it’s totally different here”… feels like the international student is supposed to speak broken English and supposed to have fewer job opportunities than the local students. And society is the one who should be catching up.

It’s important to make sure we’re inclusive and embrace diversity. At the same time, I always feel it’s also our part to strive and adapt because it’s our own choice.

Most of my friends able to stay in North America are in Engineering or Finance; both focus on technical skills rather than communication skills. I heard about a high school friend sharing she had to switch her focus to financial modeling instead of marketing: “Ah girl, you never know how much these American people can talk!! I love marketing but really can’t beat them.” Culture plays an important role. The Eastern culture taught us to ”do more, talk less,” while the Western culture emphasized expressing ourselves. In the end, we’re trapped in the cycle of doing the things we thought we were supposed to be good at and kept setting limitations for the ones we’re not “supposed” to handle.

Luckily I was “ignorant” enough and was sure I could get any job I want just like every domestic student. Back in summer 19, when I was interning at Microsoft. Surprisingly, I found most of the designer cohort were all Canadian / American, and I was the only international student and ESL. Being in a position where communication plays a key role, you can’t play the “international student” card to explain why you’re scared of presenting your designs in front of the senior management team or can’t finish the UER report. Instead, the best way is probably to spend extra time studying and polishing the parts you’re short on, and you’ll make it too.

Never set a limit for yourself just because you are an international student. You’ll be able to get anything you want as long as you’re willing to put more effort.

I’ve been in Canada for 4 years and counting, and very fortunate to have the chance to work in different fields and have different opportunities. The fact behind my glamorous LinkedIn profile is the countless days and nights of hard work and strive to be better than the domestic students.

What people see is that I can speak English fluently without going to an international school for a single day. Behind the scene was I grew up watching Disney cartoons since 4 or 5 and was influenced by western novels, TV shows, and movies all the way because of my privileges and family influence. Also because of my privileges, spending a month in London or NYC for summer school was the norm for me as a teenager. I can’t deny the early exposure to western culture helped me adapt to western culture a lot easier than many people I know.

But the pain of “nationality discrimination” in the workforce is real. I’ve been rejected in the face just because of my passport for my dream job; Many doors are closed on me automatically because of visas or policies hiring foreigners. And back in the days when I cried about these unfair things that happened to me, my American boyfriend that time would always say, “if you can’t get over with this, you won’t be able to grow” — What the hell did he know? He’s an American with one of the handiest passports in the world. Yes, it’s a pain domestic people will never understand and never have to experience. And most people are not aware of their privileges at all.

I don’t have any way to back out. Back at Microsoft, I remember people were laughing at me being a workaholic. For them, their problem is whether interning at Google or FB next, or the TN visa is a bit tricky during COVID. They got their family here, the worst case is to stay in Canada and work any job they want. For me, one call from my mom is enough for me to drop everything I have and fly back home the next day. And my problem is if I don’t try my best at every single job, I might never have the chance again.

Being in the industry for a few years, I still was not confident enough. I didn’t use my Chinese legal name because I’m worried people will assume I speak broken English and will not work well as a designer; I found I’ll pay more attention to the CVP level folks who are not BIPOC or immigrants, but international students. The later they came to the country they’re in right now, the better. Seeing them reach a high position boosts my confidence as it might be a choice for me in the future.

I grew up in a culture where emotion and vulnerability were not a choice at work. And it took me a lot of courage to write in my broken English writing on Medium (finally)!

I hope any international student reading this will feel more or less empowered — we should be proud we made it this far. We can do anything domestic students can do too, because we’re the great international students.

Sep 11, 2021

@Shanghai, in a quarantine hotel

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