My fasting journey

Human beings are such fascinating creatures.

We are capable of creating such wonderful things but when we are deprived of certain needs, we run the risk of reverting to our animal nature — ignoring our purpose, ignoring the needs of others around us and seeking only to fulfill our base needs.

That’s the trial of fasting.

Is it as if to say “hey… you seem to be doing well at what you are doing with 10000 joules of energy. Now try it with 5000 joules.”

In my journey of fasting over the past 3 weeks, I have learned so much about myself that I didn’t know or have forgotten. Tasks that I found easy to do like brisk walking and carrying heavy items became avoided, almost subconsciously. I noticed myself planning lessons that do not require my laptop so I don’t need to bring it up the stairs as I had not enough energy to climb the stairs.

Today, I was conducting Project Work with 2 colleagues and while they were actively walking around the class and facilitating, I walked around for a bit and then found a comfortable spot to sit down and rest my head against the wall. I was that hungry.

So, my colleague gave me 10 minutes to go down and grab something to eat and I did just that, I ordered rice and gorged it down and went back up. With the food that I ate, I managed to not only complete the lesson with gusto but also stay back after work for a couple more hours to complete my marking.

Now, even the thought of wasting a grain of rice seems absurd to me because I can finally see the relationship between my ability to function and that inconspicuous white grain on a plate. That could be the difference between 1 more minute of alertness or sleepiness. I craved energy more than I craved food.

Last night, at the request of one of my friends, we went dining at a fine restaurant and I ate half a beef steak, half a pork chop, half a slab of pork ribs, 2 servings of salad, a serving of foie gras, 2 eggs and tiramisu all in record time, while downing a Shiraz (3/4 glass) along with it. My body was satisfied. I was kinda ashamed that my male friend could hardly keep up with my appetite. The staff were concerned and asked if I had eaten anything all day. I replied the truth that I did have breakfast but nothing after that.

But it wasn’t just that. It was because I had been doing it for weeks that made it intolerable. Anybody could skip one meal and be perfectly fine. However, if the skipping of one meal a day persists for a couple of weeks, the body starts reacting with alarm bells forcing you to sleep more, walk less and focus on seeking food.

Funny thing was that after last night, I thought that I would be extra energetic- maybe I am that’s why this post is appearing.

However, at around 1 40pm today, I could hardly stand up once again. That’s after I had soup noodles at 930 am for breakfast. I found myself staring at the clock in the classroom and wondering where the food went when I just ate it 5 hours ago. “Useless beehoon” I lamented in my heart.

So, at the fateful 145pm, when my colleague gave me the green light to go eat something, I courageously ordered rice with chicken drumstick and curry vegetables from the Nasi Padang store auntie, who neither knew how famished I was nor how little time I had to eat.

She smiled and indulged in some small talk. I hid my feelings and reciprocated.

Moments later, I was sitting down with 2 colleagues and the rice before me, I gobbled it down in 5 mins, bought a bottle of lemon barley and drank that up and faithfully returned to class to complete my lesson.

Even as we speak, i am consuming a humble bowl of white rice porridge cooked with carrots and veg. I am so grateful for it that I scoped every tiny grain into my pink bowl. There isn’t much — probably just enough to keep me awake till this post is done. I enjoy the feeling of the hot liquid going down my throat.

Every bit of it appeared precious to me — like water in the dessert or gold in a poor man’s hand.

Fasting…

There are of course many other types of fasting.

We could fast off being unkind and judgemental.

We could fast off making money and spending it.

We could fast off our hobbies which are distractions from our problems.

There are so many things we can fast off.

Yet, in spite of all the suffering, I feel strengthened by the process because of the long hours of prayer that come along with it.

At night especially after a long night out, counselling someone or serving, I feel so hungry that every bit of my body longs for this porridge that u see above.

I wanted nothing more than to get up and cook and eat.

But I didn’t, so I literally couldn’t sleep until 2am and suffered even more at work the next day. I prayed even harder for the strength to persevere.

It’s never easy to discipline ourselves not to satisfy our fleshly urges.

Next wed, 6 March will be the start of Lent. This means that 40 days of prayer and fasting for catholics officially begins.

For me, it will be an add on to the 1 month advance fasting that I have decided to endure.

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